Ффффф =)
When you need someone
You just turn around
And I, will be there
When you are feeling alone
Baby let me know
And I, will be there
You just turn around
And I, will be there
When you are feeling alone
Baby let me know
And I, will be there
These days I have been trying to escape. Escape from reality, from pressure from my mother, from the reality of my relationship with him. I don't know what I have been doing. Just playing that freaking RO all the time and wasting my time persuiting myself that I actually love that game. But do I?.. I know not what my next step will be so I'm scared to make it. Really feeli like crying. No, crying is not the word. Really feel like weeping. Like loudly, in a field where no one else is. Yes, I want to sit on the grass in a middle of huge field and cry aloud, like for hours till I lose my voice, till I lose all my strength, will I fall asleep with tears in eyes. Then just forget everything and make this step.
I know what I should do but I just can't. I need to listen to my mum and start doing something. Hate the pressure she gives me, hate those e-mails she sends me, hate the feeling she gives me.. Feel like she's unhappy, working really hard, tired, lonely and that it's become difficult for her to support me and I'm just like a last bitch doing nothing in England, playing computer games, spending money and asking her how to cook fucking noddles. I got to do something, I know. But I don't have strength, I don't want to explain things and I know she won't understand. I can't let go now. It's all me. There are too many things I need to handle. I feel like breaking into pieces.
I know that there will be no happy ending. I know that this will not last forever. I know that I'm not the One for him and he's not my prince. But I just can't, can't let him go now. I will hold his hand untill he takes his away from me. I know one day he will. I know it will hurt more than everything before. I know I will my eyes will be swelled up from crying and heart will be broken into thousand pieces. But I don't care now, I'll go for it. Maybe I will regret, maybe I'll think that this didn't worth it, maybe not... I never felt like he doesn't want let go of me. It's like we are holding hands and I'm holding much stronger than him. I feel like no matter what I do, I'm still not on the first place. It must be so good to be someone's first love. I have never been. There's no guy that will say when he gets old: "She was my first love" or "She was the only woman I loved". No one will say that about me.
God... What should I do?.. Hate myself being so weak, so useless and dissapointingly sentimental.
Я, кстати, буду director – это на русском режиссер ведь?